One of my bucket list items has always been taking a hot air balloon ride. I always assumed I’d have to do this with a girlfriend since my husband (a cautious medical professional) scoffed at the idea. You can imagine my surprise when we planned a New Mexico trip during winter break and the first thing he scheduled was a hot air balloon ride! All of a sudden I thought to myself, “am I really going to do this?” Not only did we do it (and bring our sixteen year old son with us), but there are five lessons learned from our experience that are worth adopting, even if your feet are firmly planted on the ground – especially for 2e humans living with big feelings, intensity, and perfectionism.
1. Even if there’s a rough beginning and a rough end the middle can still be gorgeous
I have to admit, I was a bit nervous about this hot air balloon ride. When we landed in Albuquerque, we almost immediately took a tram to the top of Sandia Mountain – close to 7,000 feet elevation.
Dangling from that cable, I was a little nervous. I forced myself to stand at the window and look down. Immersion therapy for the next day’s hot air balloon ride. There was no way I was going to disappoint our son by backing out!
The next day, we of course signed our lives away as we were told that we were participating in an “extreme sport.” We were told there was “no graceful way” to get into the basket, and that we had to move fast. I immediately thought of the Wizard of Oz scene when the wizard leaves Dorothy behind because the balloon ascended too quickly.
Let’s just say, there aren’t any photos or videos of me throwing myself into that basket!
And it’s true, most people worry about the landing when riding a hot air balloon. Our landing wasn’t the most graceful…
…but it really wasn’t bad. We might have preferred not to land on a locked golf course, but all in all it was fine and we were safe.
With this ungraceful beginning and the somewhat rough ending, I have to say – the middle was well worth it. If I had the opportunity to hurl myself into another hot air balloon immediately after our landing, I would have. It was that spectacular.
It got me thinking. Sometimes we have a rough start. We look back at parenting, teaching or being 2e and we think, “Man, I wish I did that better, or differently.” But you know what? If I had focused on my entrance into the basket, I might have missed the gorgeous experience floating in the balloon. Fixating on what didn’t go the way you wanted, or even what was hard, just might rob you of what’s in front of you and the ability to enjoy the here and now.
It also made me think about end-of-life messiness – how much time we spend worrying about how things will end instead of how we are living right now. For some reason, several people I know have recently, or are in the process of losing a loved one. I’m not sure it’s ever smooth or easy and sometimes it’s too fast to think about. But sometimes people obsess about what will happen, or how it will happen to the detriment of the time you have right now. Other than getting finances in order, it’s my belief that time is better spent focusing on the present – what to do each day to maximize your positive impact and joy for yourself and others. When we get lost in “what happens next” we lose the ability to experience life in all its color. Again, my mind goes to the Wizard of Oz and the cinematography that switched from black and white to color. What a magnificent metaphor!
2. Changing perspective can improve your view
Changing perspective has the potential to significantly improve a 2e person’s experience. We all know that things look different from “up there” whether “up there” means in an airplane, on a balcony, or even as a tall person. It’s just so obvious that “the view sure is different from up here!” Well, obviously that’s the truth when you’re close to 7,000 feet up in the air. Our hot air balloon pilot actually took us very low – skimming over the Rio Grande and a forest of trees.
It was so cool. Going from super high to super low gave us the sense of perspective. When we feel stuck, when everything seems impossible, it’s important to adjust perspective. How can you get more curious? What will this look like tomorrow? How can we go from blaming to empathy?
3. Fears are sometimes completely false
Remember how I described my fear of the tram going up to Sandia Mountain? (Granted it was swinging and swaying in the wind). I used that experience to manage my anxiety over the hot air balloon ride. It was the balloon I thought would be scary, and just like the tram, there was no way to get off once I got on. But the balloon ride was anything BUT scary! It was serene and peaceful. It was beautiful and awe inspiring. I had nothing to be afraid of and it was only because of my intentional self-talk that I could hide my fears behind an imaginary wall. Sometimes we have to rely on ourselves to push away negative thoughts and fears.
4. Silence settles the brain
Spoiler alert. If you haven’t ridden in a hot air balloon – when they blast the fire, it’s LOUD! I jumped every time. I think I jumped because when you’re floating, everything is silent. You don’t even hear or feel wind, because you are going along with the wind. It’s peacefully quiet and made my brain feel lighter. It was heavenly.
We spend so much time talking, explaining, and advocating. Sometimes silence is magical and can help a dysregulated person settle. When our kids were little, we used to play the game “who can stay quiet the longest?” It actually worked (sometimes), and allowed my own limbic system to calm. Try some quiet time and see how it affects you. Silence can be regulating – for kids, adults, and especially dysregulated nervous systems.
5. Planning is great, but flexibility is better
You may have watched the video of our not so super smooth landing. I failed to mention that we were instructed to bend our knees for landing. The pilot unknowingly sat on my lap as we landed! Planning matters, but flexibility matters more! Here’s what happened which we weren’t told until we landed. Our pilot had two other landing spots in mind. But as he approached, the winds shifted and the landing wouldn’t work – at least not without hitting power lines or landing in a tree. Wisely he took us up again and looked for another spot. We ended up landing on a golf course and the only reason it was somewhat rough is because the hole we landed on was slightly sloped so instead of landing flat, we “crashed” sideways into the tee.
I’m always talking to clients about anticipating. “Use what you know to plan for your needs,” I frequently say. But it’s just as important to realize that we cannot plan for every situation. Being flexible and trusting yourself to make a good decision are both necessary to successfully navigating your world. Thank goodness our air balloon pilot didn’t insist on landing where he planned (twice). What can you consider a power line or getting stuck in a tree that might allow you to be flexible about your plans or expectations?
My bucket list has one item checked off and it gave me lessons to incorporate into my life going forward. While not everyone can or will take a hot air balloon ride (my brother is petrified at the thought – which of course means I just keep sending him videos of our ride), but everyone can benefit from the five lessons learned.
- Enjoy the ride!
- Shift perspective.
- Try talking yourself out of your fears.
- Quiet your mind.
- Plan and be flexible.
And if you ever do get the chance to float above it all – I highly recommend it!
Author: Julie F. Skolnick M.A., J.D.
Julie Skolnick, M.A., J.D., is the Founder of With Understanding Comes Calm, LLC, through which she passionately guides parents of gifted and distractible children, mentors 2e adults, and collaborates with and advises educators and professionals on bringing out the best and raising self-confidence in their students and clients.