As we approach Thanksgiving and the holiday season, it’s a good time to anticipate our own gifted and distractible needs—and those of our children. Without this awareness, we can slip into “going through the motions,” checking boxes of what we think we’re supposed to do, and draining the meaning from this time of year.
Although the season is promoted as a time of gratitude and giving, it can just as easily bring pressure and overwhelm. Take a moment to consider what realistic expectations look like for you and your kids.
When you feel pulled to do or say something but also sense hesitation—whether a whisper or a shout—pause and ask yourself:
- Why is this important to me?
- What might make this easier?
- How can I demonstrate empathy?
For example, if your extended family is hosting a large gathering and the timing, crowd size, or food is difficult for you or your child, examine your “why.” Maybe grandpa is aging, cousins rarely see each other, or you’d benefit from a change of scenery. Naming your reasons gives you clarity—and language to share with a child who is resistant. We know “the why” is important for getting gifted and distractible buy-in.
Then anticipate what supports will help. If dinner is at a tough time or the environment will be overstimulating, eat beforehand, bring preferred foods, or plan for a quiet space.
If grandma expects a hug and your child isn’t comfortable, validate your child and help them choose an alternative—like a fist bump, or high-five.
Using this three-question approach lets you explain, plan for, and cushion challenging situations.
And most importantly—remember to have fun. With so many needs and misunderstandings, it’s easy to forget that joy is the point of the season.
Author: Julie F. Skolnick M.A., J.D.
Julie Skolnick, M.A., J.D., is the Founder of With Understanding Comes Calm, LLC, through which she passionately guides parents of gifted and distractible children, mentors 2e adults, and collaborates with and advises educators and professionals on bringing out the best and raising self-confidence in their students and clients.
