Avoiding Risk-Avoidant Behaviors

Gifted and Distractible people avoid risks for various reasons. Whether perfectionism, self-criticism, imposter syndrome, overthinking, or anxiety fuel this behavior, one thing is certain – avoidance diminishes a person’s quality of life. For some this idea seems paradoxical. Avoidance feels easier, more comfortable and requires less effort. But missed opportunities, stagnant growth, and unfulfilled passions all suck the lifeblood out of, well, life. Let’s flesh out why risk-avoidant behaviors occur in the first place and how to implement five mindset shifts to move from apprehension to activation.

Why 2e People are Risk-Avoidant

Perfectionism

Perfectionism looms large in 2e people. In fact, it’s the second gifted characteristic in my Three-Layer-Gifted Cake™ Gifted and distractible people have the ability to visualize and intellectualize exactly how they want something to go. Whether to build, write, say, or execute, when they fall short of their perception they freeze. The opposite side of perfectionism can be anxiety. If a twice exceptional person feels like they are hanging on to their gifted label by a thread, it feels easier, safer, to not try. It seems better to not try and fail than to try and fail.

Self-Criticism

Gifted people set high expectations for themselves and know that others set high expectations for them. Whether the expectation is appropriate or not, if a twice exceptional person doesn’t meet perceived expectations, they feel failure. Just like critical thinking is a strength, for 2e people, so is their inner critic. I often remind clients to treat themselves or their children the way they want others to treat them. The myth of potential – that oft heard phrase “you’re not living up to your potential” is damaging to a 2e person. If we reframe that to “capacity” that allows the person to dig as deeply as he wants and to set parameters that motivate him. When we listen to other people’s opinions of where they think we should be, that’s when we judge ourselves by irrelevant criteria. Yet we all do it. We set ourselves up to fail using others’ benchmarks for our success.

Imposter Syndrome

If you’ve been told since you were little how “smart” you are, at first it feels good, but later it causes pressure. When things get hard, which may not occur until high school, college, or graduate school, imposter syndrome can hit hard. It’s when we look back and ask, “was I ever gifted? We wonder and often feel like a failure or that something has happened to our former brilliant brain. Imposter syndrome and perfectionism are often linked. When we feel like a fraud, which of course leads to negative self-talk, we aren’t able to take intellectual, social, or emotional risks.

Overthinking

Another typical experience for a gifted and distractible person is overthinking. You might be doing that right now, asking yourself, “Do I suffer from unhealthy perfectionism?” “Do I experience imposter syndrome?” “How can I possibly stop the negative self-talk in my head?” When we get stuck in this “spin cycle” it’s hard to get out and activate on anything. Whether we’re perseverating on a grocery list, a project, how to engage in a social situation, how to approach a boss or colleague, even what to wear – we can’t move forward. Overthinking is adjacent to perfectionism – the act of trying hard to consider every factor and eventuality that may affect our success in a particular moment. For sure overthinking can keep you from actualizing.

Anxiety

All of these characteristics, perfectionism, self-criticism, imposter syndrome, and overthinking include shades of anxiety. Fear of failure is the biggest culprit that keeps a gifted and distractible person from taking a risk. Anxiety is always about the future – what will or will not happen. For instance:

Social Avoidance: “What if they don’t like me?” “What if they look at me funny?” “What if they don’t get what I’m talking about?” “What if I can’t control my impulsivity?” “What if I say too many words?”  

Intellectual Avoidance: “What if I look stupid?” “What if they expect me to know something I simply do not know?” “If I am not the smartest in the room, who am I?”

Emotional Avoidance: “What if they laugh at me?” “What if they don’t take me seriously?” “If I’m just quiet, no one will know and this issue will go away.”

Five Mindset Shifts to Avoid Risk-Avoidance

1. Shift from Perfection to Progress

• • Old Mindset: “If I can’t do it perfectly, I shouldn’t do it at all.”
  • New Mindset: “Progress is more valuable than perfection.”
    Focus on taking small, imperfect actions instead of waiting for the “perfect” moment or outcome. This helps reduce paralysis and builds momentum. Remind yourself that the process is more important than the outcome. Our greatest learning comes from making mistakes or even experiencing failure. What you learn will likely result in a better product down the road. Regret rarely stems from effort, it comes from avoidance.
  • Your Mantra: It’s worse not to try and regret, than to try and see what happens.

2. Shift from Self-Criticism to Self-Compassion

• • Old Mindset: “I’m not meeting expectations — I’m failing.”
  • New Mindset: “I’m allowed to grow at my own pace.”
    Treat yourself as you would a supportive friend. Replacing judgment with kindness helps reduce the inner critic and allows space for effort and learning. Visualize yourself as your friend – hold your own hand as you navigate something new or even scary.
  • Your Mantra: “The process may lead to something great – even if it doesn’t lead to the specific goal I have in mind.”

3. Shift from Imposter to Learner

• • Old Mindset: “If I struggle, I must not be gifted after all.”
  • New Mindset: “Struggle is a sign of growth, maturity, and willingness not inadequacy.”
    Embrace a growth mindset: intelligence is not fixed, and real ability includes the willingness to learn, make mistakes, and try again. Rather than seeing “failure” as a defining characteristic, look at it as an indicator of strength and resilience and a true passion for learning.
  • Your Mantra: “If I try and fail, I will surely learn something.”

4. Shift from Overthinking to Action

• • Old Mindset: “I must think through every outcome before acting.”
  • New Mindset: “Clarity comes through doing, not just thinking.”
    Over-analysis leads to paralysis. Choosing small, manageable actions interrupts the mental spin cycle and builds confidence over time. Everyone has a different way of processing. Even if yours is anything but organized and linear, remember to stop, take stock, and make sure your thinking process is leading you closer to your goal. If you determine you can’t make your goal, that’s okay too. Shift to making this experience something you can share, learn from, and help others learn too!

• • Your Mantra: “If I try and fail, it could be a great story to share or write about.”

5. Shift from Anxiety to Curiosity

• • Old Mindset: “What if I fail, look stupid, or get rejected?”
  • New Mindset: “What might I learn or discover if I try?”
    Reframe fear-based questions into open-ended, curiosity-driven ones. This change reduces anxiety and fosters a more adventurous, resilient approach. Remember, rarely does not making your goal lead to catastrophe. Sure, you’ll have to adjust. Maybe you even spent a lot of time you cannot recoup. But that time wasn’t wasted. It led you down a different pathway and now you can avoid that pathway in the future. If you’re experiencing a cognitive distortion and you are catastrophizing, remember life is a journey and different pathways always lead to different realizations, connections, and growth.

• • Your Mantra: “If I try and fail, no one will die.”

We put a lot of pressure on ourselves to be “perfect,” to exceed goals and expectations, when in reality this rigid approach blocks us from truly actualizing our greatest opportunities. The learning happens in the process and then we can course correct. It’s how we develop and maintain an ever-evolving sense of self. Avoiding risks is in fact the biggest risk of all. Take a moment and ask yourself, “What’s one thing I’ve been avoiding that I can try this week?” As you practice these five mindset shifts take note of how you feel. I hope you feel liberated, care-free, interested, stimulated, and above all, grateful to yourself for trusting in you.